well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
