No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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