On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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