If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
