Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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