Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
