smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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