When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.