just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?