The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
there was a trapeze. enough said
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle