I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
