hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
50% drunk capacity currently
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
