You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
