bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
