I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
