Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Rumble strips road head = magical
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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