im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
