How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
