If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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