Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
