I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
