Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
