My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
