Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
