mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
