I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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