Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
