i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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