Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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