Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
