My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm getting married
To pizza
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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