New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
