We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.