I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
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if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless