He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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