I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
