Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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