I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
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Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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