I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
