You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I lost the right to judge tonight
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
