Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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