I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just google imaged poop.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
