well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
