and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
