All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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