I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
