Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
