I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
