Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
