just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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