But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
