Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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