Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
