oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
