i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
