After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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