Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
