Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
