Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
