i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
