Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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