im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
