I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
